What
You Can Do To
Help
Yourself Through a
Custody
Evaluation!
Suggested
Steps
1) Whether
your evaluator is a private evaluator
or a county paid custody evaluator
can make a difference
a.
Ask the CE kindly if you can tape
record the meeting … this could tick the person off, but not if you say it
nicely with the reason “I just want to be
able to remember what I said so that I can listen to it afterwards and then get
back to you if I think there is anything I forgot. Because I want to be as
thorough as I possibly can.” They probably won’t let you tape, don’t push
it.
b.
But if you do get it taped, it can
actually be used as evidence later if the outcome is based on assumptions she
made and never heard directly from you
c.
other
2) Know
your rights based on Minnesota Law. See http://www.revisor.leg.state.mn.us/stats/517.html
a.
Read MN statute 518.175 Parenting
time
b.
Read MN statute 518.1751 Parenting
time dispute resolution
c.
Read Best Interest of Children criteria
MN Statute 518.17 Custody … remember the law says the decision must
consider ALL criteria and not take anyone at the exclusion of others
d.
Read MN statute 518.179 Parenting
Plan when person convicted of certain offenses
e.
One of the MN criteria is that if the
parents “cant get along” that joint physical custody is not allowed … be ready
to show everything you have done to accommodate the mom and make sure you can’t
be accused of being the one who can’t get along.
f.
Read the Minnesota Supreme Court Guide
to Child Focused Parenting Time: http://www.courts.state.mn.us/documents/CIO/pubsAndReports/PARENTING_TIME_PAMPHLET.pdf
And know that this is only to be used as a guide, it is not a hard fast rule …
(also attached in a word document)
g.
If there is an unwarranted OFP or an
false allegation – FIGHT IT or you will automatically lose your right to even
joint custody
h.
other
SUMMARIZED
LIST OF ALL USEFULL DOCUMENTS
«
KNOW all relevant statutes. Learn what
the law saws. Information is Power. See http://www.revisor.leg.state.mn.us/stats/517.html
o
Family Law, Chapter 518
§
13 Best Interest Criteria
o
Public Assistance Law, Chapter 256
o
Paternity, Chapter 257
o
Criminal Law, 609.26 (deprivation) and
609.375
«
Read Appendix A in your order or
someone else’s order if you don’t have one yet
«
Know the difference between Full IV-D
wage-withholding and Non IV-D wage withholding only services
«
«
http://www.courts.state.mn.us/documents/CIO/pubsAndReports/PARENTING_TIME_PAMPHLET.pdf
«
Know about the Constitutional Right to
Parent
o
US Supreme Court Case Law (see CPR
brochure)
o
Law Review Article by Hubin
«
Know the Horis
Valento Formula (see CPR brochure)
«
Read Books, articles, etc on the
Importance of Fathers
o
Stolen Vows
o
Books by Warren Farrell
3) PREPARE
everything in writing – ahead
of time as much as possible
a.
Read through the best interest criteria
and develop a detailed outline based on the 13 criteria of all the reasons,
criteria by criteria, why it is best for the child to be around you at least
40-50% of the time
b.
Be prepared with at least 3
alternatives for parenting time schedules that give you at least 40% time
(presuming you want joint physical custody). By giving three options you show
that:
i.
you are flexible,
ii.
you are not demanding,
iii.
you are working hard and
trying to arrive at something that works for everyone, not just you,
iv.
you are willing to take moms schedule
into consideration,
v.
when the CE and the other
parent have options, they feel like they have CHOICES, and people like choices,
vi.
you give 3 options so the CE can feel
like they made the decision if they pick one and they don't feel like you are
shoving ONE idea down their throat ... because … if you only give them one
schedule, they feel like you are a "my way or the highway" kind of
guy – in that case, you will lose for sure.
c.
Read attached list of parenting plan
questions you may be asked
d.
other
4) Know
your rights based on Constitutional
Law (right to parent)
a.
Read about the constitutional right to
parent vs the best interest criteria (Hubin, Due Process and Parental Rights)
b.
We have a lot more US Supreme Court
case law on the right to parent … I will have to provide that in a subsequent
document
c.
Let the CE know (in a very nice way)
that you believe that the constitution protects your right to at least equal
custody …. unless there is a finding of harm, abuse, neglect, harm, or
abandonment …
5) Be
aware of your disposition and tone – HOW
you come across means everything:
a.
Speak OFTEN about "the best
interest of your child(ren)"
-- you that phrase ad nauseuam.
b.
Speak softly, calmly,
c.
Speak full of emotions as much as
possible … custody evaluators are generally very “touchy feely” types who
respond to EMOTIONS not FACT … never talk about being angry, but do talk about
being hurt, betrayed, disappointed, scared for your child, etc. and talk a lot
about how much you LOVE your child and how much you bond, etc … be very
specific about “cute little stories” when asked to describe your relationship
or interaction.
d.
stay “your perfect
collaborating self” even when you want to tell him/her to go to ##@@$$
e.
If you show any signs of
"upset" (even if for good reasons) you will be labeled an "angry
uncooperative controlling male" and you will surely lose everything
f.
Use the language that you want
"sole physical custody or in the alternative joint physical custody."
The CE can’t recommend anything you don’t ask for.
g.
Let them know you feel a little
“nervous” about this because you feel like your life-time relationship with
your child will be dependent on the outcome of the custody arrangement and you
want to make sure that your child has the best possible relationship with both
parents. Let the CE know you are aware of the dangers children face if they
don’t have a close relationship with their dad (see attached Missouri Supreme
Court Task Force study and another list provided …. there are many more like
it)
6) BE SPECIFIC in all examples
a.
Share anything you have done to improve
yourself and “get to know yourself” – they like people who are self aware
b.
Sign up for as many parenting or
co-parenting classes as you possibly can through out the process of the
evaluation … it just looks good, even if you feel like it’s a waste of time …
its all about building a record and playing the game
c.
Be very specific about how you spend
your time with your child(ren) when they are in your
care
d.
Name a lot of your child(ren) specific interests – name as many as you possibly can
– the more you can share the more they believe you really “know” your child”
e.
Other
7) ASK
about the CE’s PROCESS – i.e.
how much time the evaluator will be spending with you, the mom, and the child
before making his/her decision
a.
Mention that you hope to have equal
time
b.
Other
8) Be
careful - Never “let your hair down”
or get sucked into a trick question
a.
CEs are
well trained to make you feel like they are on their side so that you open up
and tell all the garbage and say something they can use against you. Always
deal with them as if your LIFE depends on it. Think of those held captive in
b.
Custody evaluators are
always trying to ”assess” whether the dad just wants joint physical custody to
get out of child support … they assume every dad who asks for joint physical
just wants to get out of child support. The CE will probably ask you “would you agree to pay full child support if
you were given joint physical custody?’ This is a trick question. You probably
want to tell the CE that:
i.
according to statute, there is no limit on
parenting time even when the other parent has sole physical custody, and TIME
is what is most important to you, and therefore you would like as much
parenting time as possible NO MATTER WHAT THE CUSTODY ARRANGEMENT … they will
then BELIEVE that your wanting time with your child is really about TIME and
not about MONEY, this will work in your favor.
ii.
according to statute you
have heard there is something called “Hortis Valento” which is designed to have each parent equally
responsible according to their ability to pay, and that you believe it makes
sense for each parent to be equally responsible for the finances as much as you
believe each parent is responsible for nurturing the child with emotional
support of just being there as much as possible.
c.
Don’t let ANYONE talk you into an
agreement (temporary or otherwise) that gives the other person sole custody
under the premise that “just agree to
this now, because you can change it later if you need to.”
i.
In MN, custody is NEVER changed – the
standard is abuse harm neglect abandonment – nothing less. MN courts simply
NEVER reverse custody.
d.
Other
9) Seek
advice from as many people as possible - Talk
to others who have gone through custody evaluations (contact CPR for
their phone numbers)
a.
Mick F, ____________________
b.
Dennis S, _____________________
c.
d.
David S, ____________________
e.
Tom R, ________________________
f.
If you get any good advice from them,
let me know, and I will add it to this list so that I can grow the document for
others who might need similar information in the future
g.
Other
10) Seek
advice from books, articles, and other literature
a.
Read books by Warren Farrell
b.
Read the book “Stolen Vows”
c.
Go to the book store and look through
books – see if you can find anything that might be helpful – even just by
looking and not buying
d.
Read attached information on reducing
conflict
e.
Other
11) OTHER
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The
viewing of material from our website, the exchange of mail, any brochures,
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that participate in the organization, does not constitute legal
advice. CPR makes no representation or warranty regarding the resources or
other professionals or citizens that assist individuals. The information is
provided as educational public service. The information may not be relevant to
your situation and is not intended to replace a thorough and proper
consultation with a competent and experienced attorney. However, we know many
individuals are unable to afford legal representation and are forced to handle
their case as a pro se litigant.
“Having
canceled the bond which stood against us with its legal demands; this He set
aside, nailing it to the cross.” Colossians 2:14
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support organization dedicated to conserving family autonomy, encouraging
responsibility, and preserving the constitutionally protected liberty interests
of both parents to safeguard their children’s welfare.
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ã
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Educational Booklet: IP #04-03
Information is Power!!!
The purpose of this informational series to help you position and present yourself in a way that will result in a greatly likelihood of the result you want. This series will help position you to make a difference for your personal case and for the cause as a whole, as you help to advocate for change to prevent others from having to go through what you have. This is a series of empowerment – how to take your energies, time, and talents and help facilitate social change, that will ultimately benefit your children.
Prepared
By:
CPR
Center
For Parental Responsibility
CPR
Voicemail: 651/490-9277
Website:
cpr-mn.org
Email:
Latest Update: